VBAC vs. C-Section

When I found out that I was pregnant the first time I had a million grand ideas of how this whole "birth" thing was going to go down.  I was going to have a completely natural, drug free delivery.  They were going to place my squirmy, pink, bundle of baby joy on my chest and we would bond at first sight.  I was going to be with my baby immediately and nurse him straight from the womb.  I wasn't going to have a major surgery or a scar to last a lifetime.  Nope.

 That was a long time ago (kind of, but not really...) and can I just quote a little Outkast for a moment?

  "You can plan a pretty picnic, but you can't predict the weather."

I ended up having a scheduled c-section at 39 weeks and 2 days.  I had spinal anesthesia (even more potent than an epidural)  I heard my boy's first cries from behind the blue surgical veil as my husband peeked over and pronounced "Whoa!  He IS big!" and I was introduced to my beautiful, perfect, 10 lb. 4 oz baby boy after they cleaned him up, weighed him, cleaned and stitched me up, and I didn't get to attempt to nurse him until several hours later.  I was completely bedridden for 24 hours after major surgery with the most annoying "pressure boots" EVER (evidently they keep your blood flowing in your legs to avoid clotting and such, since you can't move your legs...BLAH!) and yes...I have a straight little "bikini cut" scar that will be there forever.

 I have to admit...there was never anyone holding a gun to my head telling me that I  HAD to have a c-section.  It was more an "urging" of two different doctors.  My doctor was a little less urgent about when we did the surgery, but he made sure to elude to the fact that he assumed it would happen regardless of it being scheduled or after many hours of labor.  I sought a second opinion with a different doctor who was a little more "gentle" with me and told me she really thought it would be in my and my baby's best interest.  I was made aware of the risks associated with "shoulder dystocia" (which are horrific) and I was scared, to say the least.  I decided after hearing those possibilities...that if, in fact, I decided to wait and just let my body "do it's thing" and I happened to put my baby in danger...I would never, EVER be able to forgive myself.  After all, it wasn't just about me at that point...if it had been I probably would have been willing to risk a little bit more.  But not with my boy!  SO...a cesarean section it was.  At the time I had my c-section, I was zero centimeters dilated, zero percent effaced, and Brennan was still sitting pretty nice and high. (which by the way, meant that he was born with the most perfect little round head!)  Who knows how long he would have stayed put if we had said no to the c-section (and with the fact that babies gain about half a pound per week at that stage...we were looking at an 11+lb babe) I never so much as felt a single contraction...never had the "my water broke!" moment.  I worked my 40+ hour per week job until Friday and I set my alarm for 6 am Monday morning, took a shower, got dressed, and went to the hospital knowing that in a couple of short hours my baby would be extracted from my abdomen and it would all be "over"...just like in the movies, huh?

It was actually a really difficult thing for me to accept at the time (and I still have moments of "did I do the right thing?") but I have come a long way with prayer and encouragement from my loved ones.  I know that the bottom line is that my boy is safe and healthy and so am I.  It's not even that I have a particular hatred for c-sections.  I have never looked at anyone else who endured one and thought "Hmm...isn't SHE a wimp."  No.  Far from it actually.  It is by no means the "easy way out" as some people assume.  But see...I have this thing called "perfectionism"...it's really unfortunate sometimes, actually.  I always envisioned being the totally capable, strong Mama that would go through labor like a champ.  I just kept telling myself that I had somehow failed at my one, clear, womanly duty...I couldn't even give birth to my baby.  How ridiculous is that??  I know.  Very.

So...now I am pregnant again.  My doctor with Brennan assured me that just because my son was born via c-section did NOT mean that I would never be able to have a vaginal delivery.  He said people have successful VBAC's (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) everyday.  He did however urge me to wait at least 18 months from my son's birth to the conception of our next baby if we intended to try a VBAC because that would mean a higher likelihood of success.  I assured him that was NOT a problem! (Hah!  Can we say "Surprise baby"???)  So, lets see...we conceived this baby when Brennan was 26 months old...we wanted to be EXTRA safe and we love the idea of our kiddos being just about 3 years apart in age.  I am now seeing a doctor here in Texas (obviously we moved from Virginia since baby #1 was born.) who supports my choice to attempt a VBAC, even though I can see the look of "you're crazy...don't you know second babies are usually BIGGER?" whenever she looks at me.  The fact of the matter is...I know that some people might think that I am, in fact, nuts (there could be some truth in that!) but you know what?  I just want to have the OPTION of trying to have a VBAC.  I have been praying (fervently!) that I would be able to have a vaginal delivery this time, but my husband pointed out to me that I shouldn't be so consumed with the method of delivery.  He's right.  So I have added an addendum to my prayer and that is...if for some reason the VBAC doesn't work out and I end up having another c-section, I pray that God would calm my heart and my emotions and that I would not be devastated.  That I would know that babies are born via c-section every day, just like they are born vaginally every day.  Every baby, every mom, every pregnancy and birth are different...there is no way to compare.  Also, let me be clear on this...the way that your child is birthed into this world (as a dear friend of mine put it) "is NOT a biblical issue."  SO TRUE and I am really offended when people openly and seriously judge someone else for having a c-section.  So in the end, all I care about is that I have a healthy and happy little baby and that I can hold my head up and say that I did what was best for both of us.  Obviously there are risks associated with both methods of delivery, but as it stands I am what my doctor calls a "perfect" candidate for a VBAC.  I would love to have this experience, but would you join me in praying that above all else, our baby is born healthy and in the safest way!  Thank You!