That was a long time ago (kind of, but not really...) and can I just quote a little Outkast for a moment?
"You can plan a pretty picnic, but you can't predict the weather."
It was actually a really difficult thing for me to accept at the time (and I still have moments of "did I do the right thing?") but I have come a long way with prayer and encouragement from my loved ones. I know that the bottom line is that my boy is safe and healthy and so am I. It's not even that I have a particular hatred for c-sections. I have never looked at anyone else who endured one and thought "Hmm...isn't SHE a wimp." No. Far from it actually. It is by no means the "easy way out" as some people assume. But see...I have this thing called "perfectionism"...it's really unfortunate sometimes, actually. I always envisioned being the totally capable, strong Mama that would go through labor like a champ. I just kept telling myself that I had somehow failed at my one, clear, womanly duty...I couldn't even give birth to my baby. How ridiculous is that?? I know. Very.
So...now I am pregnant again. My doctor with Brennan assured me that just because my son was born via c-section did NOT mean that I would never be able to have a vaginal delivery. He said people have successful VBAC's (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) everyday. He did however urge me to wait at least 18 months from my son's birth to the conception of our next baby if we intended to try a VBAC because that would mean a higher likelihood of success. I assured him that was NOT a problem! (Hah! Can we say "Surprise baby"???) So, lets see...we conceived this baby when Brennan was 26 months old...we wanted to be EXTRA safe and we love the idea of our kiddos being just about 3 years apart in age. I am now seeing a doctor here in Texas (obviously we moved from Virginia since baby #1 was born.) who supports my choice to attempt a VBAC, even though I can see the look of "you're crazy...don't you know second babies are usually BIGGER?" whenever she looks at me. The fact of the matter is...I know that some people might think that I am, in fact, nuts (there could be some truth in that!) but you know what? I just want to have the OPTION of trying to have a VBAC. I have been praying (fervently!) that I would be able to have a vaginal delivery this time, but my husband pointed out to me that I shouldn't be so consumed with the method of delivery. He's right. So I have added an addendum to my prayer and that is...if for some reason the VBAC doesn't work out and I end up having another c-section, I pray that God would calm my heart and my emotions and that I would not be devastated. That I would know that babies are born via c-section every day, just like they are born vaginally every day. Every baby, every mom, every pregnancy and birth are different...there is no way to compare. Also, let me be clear on this...the way that your child is birthed into this world (as a dear friend of mine put it) "is NOT a biblical issue." SO TRUE and I am really offended when people openly and seriously judge someone else for having a c-section. So in the end, all I care about is that I have a healthy and happy little baby and that I can hold my head up and say that I did what was best for both of us. Obviously there are risks associated with both methods of delivery, but as it stands I am what my doctor calls a "perfect" candidate for a VBAC. I would love to have this experience, but would you join me in praying that above all else, our baby is born healthy and in the safest way! Thank You!