Monday, August 1, 2011


So...apparently I have a problem with talking/walking in my sleep. This wouldn't be so bad if I lived alone and didn't have anyone to laugh and point when I made a complete fool of myself, but alas...I am an old married lady. An old married lady who's husband finds great joy in retelling my obnoxious utterances from the night before.
Perhaps the funniest part of this is that often times I am semi-aware of my absurdity...but I tend to get sort of angry when you make fun of my outrageous comments. It's like my brain knows that I am making perfect sense, but it also knows that I am not. I feel kind of frustrated because I am trying super hard to explain why I am saying what I am saying, but it is coming out as gibberish. Ahhh...just adding to the hilarity for the bystander.
So let me paint a picture for you, hmmm? Last night I went to bed around 10:30. Derek tends to be a little more of night owl than I am, so he didn't come to bed at that time. Next thing I know (it's around 11:30 now), I am on my hands and knees next to our laundry basket digging through our dirty clothes and Derek is standing by watching me and this was how our conversation went:

Derek: "Babe...what are you looking for?"
Me: "Tomatoes..."
Derek: (laughing) "What????"
Me: (clearly irritated that he doesn't understand me) "NOT bra...something to carry tomatoes in..."
Derek: (rolling laughter) "Ooooook. Do you need to go to the bathroom??"
Me: "yeah..."

And so you have it...less than 30 seconds from that moment I was fast asleep again(although I'll be honest...I don't know if I was every fully "awake"), despite the roaring laughter of my husband beside me. Why do I do these things?? What in the name of all that is Holy was I dreaming about??? I mean seriously. It's all quite funny when I wake up and realize what I have done, but in the moment I can't help but feel like everyone else is ridiculous and they need to just pay attention! I mean, clearly tomatoes are only transported safely when they are carried in your bra. Doesn't everyone know that??!
A few nights ago, Derek tells me that I was shouting "No! No! Nooooo!" in my sleep. I told him to give me a break since earlier that evening we had watched the movie "Trust" which is about a teenage girl who gets lured into a trap by a middle aged man on the internet. CLEARLY I was having a nightmare about a skeevy internet pedophile. My "No's" were justifiable. Those types of "sleep-talking" make sense...whereas others do not. A good friend of mine has actually been privy to several of my outbursts and it just so happens that I found a little note that she wrote me* one night. She was sleeping next to me and once again, I shouted something completely absurd. Her note says:

"Lindz, last night in your sleep you said (rather loudly)- "125 Cow Woman! Zang 2 5 Zow Woman!"...all I can say is, huh? Love, Skirst"

There was also a time ( in my defense during a super long road trip from Washington to Virginia) when I sat up in bed and exclaimed "Pigs! Tanks! Pigs...tanks..." and then went immediately back to sleep.** Kirsten was also there for that one. I just want to say...thank you for still being my friend. For that matter, thank you Derek for loving me in spite of my quirks. What's a girl to do besides blog about her rambling sleep-talk? I hope that you have a hefty laugh at my expense! Go know you want to.

*She wrote me a note so that she wouldn't forget to remind me of my crazy sleep talk.

**Later, upon being informed of said comment, I created a drawing of what I thought my dream might have looked like. Picture Babe in Lieutenant Dan's outfit. PIGS! TANKS!